A Conversation

Pssst. Seamonkey. Could we have a chat please? I've noticed that lately, you've been having a hard time picking up on conversations and responding appropriately. Do you want to talk about it?

Er, not really. It's sort of embarrassing, you know? If it's all the same to you I think I'll just keep using my nod-and-smile routine.

Yeah, about that. I've noticed that you're learning to use prettiness as a defense, even though it doesn't make you feel very good. I'm sure you know it's not the best solution to your problem. Wouldn't you rather understand what people are saying to you?

I wish you'd give me a break, I mean I've just started this whole 'interaction' thing. I'm used to looking inward, not outward.

That's true. But I think we'd both like it if you developed a good coping strategy at the outset, rather than using more avoidance techniques like hiding behind a ton of makeup. So what's stopping you from feeling proficient in conversation?

Sigh. Well firstly, I can't hear people. On a good day I'll be able to catch about half of the words that are spoken to me. In a party situation where there are lots of conversations happening around me, I hear practically nothing even if someone is yelling into my ear....

Hang on, I happen to know that your hearing is quite good! So why are you telling me you can't hear people?

Well the thing is, I hear the words but they don't have any meaning for me. If I replay them in my mind and slow them down I can understand them, but by the time I process everything the conversation has moved on and I'm way behind. So I've learned to respond to tone, expression and body language rather than content. It works quite well, actually.

It works quite well as a temporary survival measure, but it obviously doesn't make you feel very connected to people, does it?

No. I'm angry at them for chattering at me. I wish they would pause and let me process, let me give thoughtful responses to what they've just said. I get so frustrated...

Whoah. So what you're telling me is, you're responding as though you understand perfectly and want them to go ahead, yet you resent them for doing so? That doesn't seem reasonable.

I guess not. But what can I do, stop them every few seconds so I can have time to process? They'll think I'm a moron. Most of the time they're not really trying to communicate anything anyway, just talking out of habit.

That may be. But if you really want to connect with someone, you should let them know if you don't understand what they've said. If that means looking like an idiot sometimes, that's okay. So you get a few odd looks; so what? On the other hand if someone just wants to chatter at you, there's really no harm in letting them do it; and they don't care whether you understand or not.

Okay. But it's not going to be easy.

I didn't say it would be. Oh, and you can start by not tuning out T so much. He should give you plenty of opportunities to practice your listening skills.

Uh-huh. Take care now.

Bye.